“Dad Jokes”

[Lainatan]

I’m a huge fan of some cringingly funny jokes, also known as “Dad Jokes.” My father likes to tell us dumbs jokes from time to time and I’m always looking for more. I have 5 kids of my own that I like telling these kinds of jokes to, and they love them (ok they don’t, that was a lie) If you have some Dad jokes you would like to share, please reply to this thread. Remember, Dad jokes are funny and can receive a laugh, but some of the best ones get the groan and head shake response.

I just ask one thing, please stay on the clean side, Dad jokes are best shared with children, hence the “Dad” element to the classification.

These can be long stories or short one-liners, anything you want. I’m looking forward to what you can throw at me.

Whatcha got?!?

(P.S. —-I saw an “Old Man Joke” thread but it hadn’t had a reply since 2013, thought I might revive the fun)

 

[Lainatan]

I’ll start——-

Have you heard about that Extreme Camping?

It’s in tents

 

[D.L.Ruth]

Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?
Because he was out-standing in his field!

What is a pirates favorite letter?
(Normally people would say ARR) you would think so but it's really the SEA!

Why can you never run through a campground?
You can only ran because it's always past tents!

How do you make a kleanex dance?
Put a little boogie in it!

I have more but they aren't coming to me right now

 

[Lainatan]

Just thought of a couple more ---

My Dad used to say (and he didn't come up with this he said)...

If at first you don't succeed,.......Skydiving is not for you.



This one is more hands on. Find an unsuspecting individual and make sure you have a $10 bill.
Take the $10 bill and show it, front forward, the individual and say, "Want to know how to tell if a $10 bill is counterfeit?"
When they say yes, explain each of the following steps as you do it....
1. Fold the bill in half longways toward the back so you can still see Alexander Hamilton
2. Fold the bill in half again either left to right or right to left (your choice)
3. Turn the bill upside down so the folds are now facing down
4. Tap the bill on a table or other hard surface
5. Then explain to unfold the bill completely and you should now be looking at the back of the bill with the U.S. Treasury building
6. Next hold the bill up closer to their face and point at the building and say...
"If the windows are broken, its definitely counterfeit."
7. Watch them squint and try to see the windows
8. Laugh heartily until they get it

 

[Ozark Wizard]

Why do mice have such small balls?

Very few mice know how to dance!

 

[Lainatan]

Why does a chicken coup only have two doors...


.....if it had four doors it would be a sedan

 

[peanubutter]

What do you call a fake noodle?
It's an impasta.

If lettuce and a carrot had a race who would win?
Lettuce, by a head.

Borderline joke:
Have you ever smelled moth balls?
How did you get their little legs apart?

 

[Timbo]

Said when passing a graveyard.

Kids, people are dying to get in there.

Or

That’s the dead centre of town.

 

[Fazby]

How do Eskimos hold their houses together?

With igloo.

 

[huffelpuff]

What do cats eat for breakfast?

Mice Krispies

Why was the cheetah so bad at hide and seek?

No matter where she hid she was always spotted.

I'll let myself out now
Jim

 

[user 2027]

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[eggman]

Did you get a haircut?

No, I got them all cut.