Beer Theories

[Slow Puffs]

Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, "It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

-- Babe Ruth



An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

-- Ernest Hemingway



When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

-- Paul Hornung



24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.

-- H.L. Mencken



When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!

-- George Bernard Shaw



Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

-- Benjamin Franklin



Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

-- Dave Barry



Beer: helping ugly people have sex since 3000 b.c.

-- W.C. Fields



Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.

-- Professor Irwin Corey



To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a "support group." Salvation in a can!

-- Leo Durocher



One night at Cheers, Cliff Clavin explained the "Buffalo Theory" to his buddy, Norm. "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine! That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

-- Cliff Clavin

Paul

 

[Ol'Dawg]

A recent study found the average American walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of beer a Year.

That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon.

Kind Of Makes Me Proud To Be American.
--------------------------------------------
Voted best beer commercial- (2005)
http://www.zippyvideos.com/6944922662696006/votedbestbeercommercialoftheyear/

 

[Justpipes]

That is some good stuff Paul and Jim!

I really like the statistic on miles per gallon of beer!

 

[Natch]

Give a man a beer and he wastes an hour,
teach him to brew and he wastes a lifetime.


On the back of my favorite t-shirt I got at a home/micro brewing festival in Seattle a while back.

Natch

 

[Slow Puffs]

Another reason...

SCC quashes man's suit over fly in bottled water
Updated Thu. May. 22 2008 12:03 PM ET

CTV.ca News Staff

The Windsor, Ont. man who sued for six digits in compensation after finding a fly in his bottled water, has lost his case.

The Supreme Court of Canada voted unanimously on Thursday to dismiss Martin Mustapha's appeal, and ruled he must pay the costs for the water company he took to court.

Mustapha and his wife found the dead fly, then later found half of another fly, in a large water bottle delivered to their home.

 

[Ol'Dawg]

An Irishman, Scotsman and Englishman are sitting at a bar and each ordered a pint of beer. As thier beers arrive 3 flies land, one in each beer. The Englishman pushes his beer away and demands another one. The Irishman flicks the fly out with his finger and proceeds to gulp the beer down. The Scotsman picks up the fly by the wings and holds it over the glass and says "Spit it out dammit!"

 

[hazmat]

Oh god I'm cryin here!! :lol!:

 

[ftrplt]

I believe that everyone should believe in something!!!!!

I believe I'll have another beer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A fighter pilot is never drunk as long as he can hold on to one blade of grass and not fall off the face of the earth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! By damn I've tried it many times and haven't fallen off yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FTRPLT

 

[SmokeyTweed]

I believe it was Dean Martin who officially nailed the excuse to keep drinking,

"I feel sorry for those who don't drink because the second they wake up is the best their gonna feel all day."

Also Jesus turned water into wine, he didn't turn water into Gatorade. Think about it.

 

[Anonymous]

The Bible says:
Give Beer to those who are perishing,
wine to those who are in anguish;
let them drink and forget their poverty
and remember their misery no more.
(Proverbs 31:6-7)
Amen! :cheers: :drunken:

 

[ftrplt]

Story goes that Winston Churchill was at a dinner party and over the course of time became quite drunk. The lady sitting next to him says..."Mr. Churchill, you are disgustingly drunk." To which Churchill replies..."And you, Madam are disgustingly ugly!! However, in the morning I shall be sober and you, Madam, shall still be ugly!" FTRPLT

 

[Winslow]

“Common sense is for commoners, and I happen to be a royal *******.”
Unidentified patron fending off a bartender’s query of “Do your think another shot is sensible?” at the Squire Lounge.

Winslow :sunny:

 

[Anonymous]

“Common sense is for commoners, and I happen to be a royal *******.”

I might have to use that quote for myself. :king: :joker: