Have You Ever Just Met Someone and Immediately Disliked Them

[RSteve]

I met a guy in March, 2020, and after just a brief introduction thought, "What a ****!"
Now, almost 1.5 years later, I think I underestimated his dickitude.

 

[Niblick]

Glad you brought this up Steve. My boss for the last 3 years presents a dickitude to his presence. More so of a **** head. But there is another element he brings to the table to add to his title. Working in an industrial setting for my last 34 years on electrical equipment makes it very difficult to explain things to a person with no fundamental background for it. The questions he can ask... while hilarious at times are simply dumb. When I say dumb, I mean dumb. When nonsense spews out of his pie hole the only thing I can think is "dumb **** head".

 

[GtrSmoker]

That’s an impression I try my best to fight. I’m prone to be even more prejudicial than many. In the past, I’m ashamed to say, that people who could be classically classified as “uggos” (male or female, it didn’t really matter) were people I didn’t really bother even giving a real chance to impress me otherwise. And heaven forbid it’s an uggo who’s also kind of a jerk.

I’ve probably missed out a lot over the years just because my first impression of people was so skewed towards appearances.

I’m offering this shameful bit of personal history to point out that we’re ALL guilty of this, to some degree. Sometimes people who are a little rough around the edges or are kind of “prickly” will end up being hidden gems.

Perception is a funny thing… and it’s often our worst enemy.

 

[Ranger107]

I think I'm a pretty good judge of character. I try and approach everyone I meet with a positive and open minded attitude and no preconceived notions. And I don't judge by physical appearance. Some of the nicest women i've met were overweight and let's say less than beautiful. However, when my first impression of someone is that they are a d**khead, s**thead, or just a plain old a**hole that perception is usually born out by further interaction with them. What can I say. It's a gift, lol.

 

[Zeno Marx]

That’s an impression I try my best to fight. I’m prone to be even more prejudicial than many. In the past, I’m ashamed to say, that people who could be classically classified as “uggos” (male or female, it didn’t really matter) were people I didn’t really bother even giving a real chance to impress me otherwise. And heaven forbid it’s an uggo who’s also kind of a jerk.

I’ve probably missed out a lot over the years just because my first impression of people was so skewed towards appearances.

I’m offering this shameful bit of personal history to point out that we’re ALL guilty of this, to some degree. Sometimes people who are a little rough around the edges or are kind of “prickly” will end up being hidden gems.

Perception is a funny thing… and it’s often our worst enemy.

I hear you. I grew up in a family that is quick to judge and harsh in that quick judgment. Half-fullers. Skeptics and cynics. Also grew up in a small rural town where the favorite pastime and sport was harsh judgment. Both family and community strong "christians" as well, but that's for another discussion...maybe. Feel free to scratch your head along with me. Sure, I like what I like and don't like who I don't like, but that history is not exactly a bright or positive way of life. I've spent a lot of my adult life trying to break out of that way of thought, but also realizing how much of the world operates in this way. Not easy to be otherwise, or at least for me it hasn't been. Small steps, but I'm grateful for any size step away from that.

Not to bag on any of you. I run into jerks all the time, and I'm certain I'm that jerk to some too. My biggest impression trigger is intimidation. People who give off that aggressive or violent vibe are the ones who immediately set me off to not like them. Bravado and machismo and testosterone. May we walk on opposite sides of the street.

 

[RSteve]

The guy (**** head) will let you know within 5 minutes of meeting that he has a Ph.D. and even writing an informal note always signs his name with a Ph.D. suffix.

 

[Niblick]

I hear you. I grew up in a family that is quick to judge and harsh in that quick judgment. Half-fullers. Skeptics and cynics. Also grew up in a small rural town where the favorite pastime and sport was harsh judgment. Both family and community strong "christians" as well, but that's for another discussion...maybe. Feel free to scratch your head along with me. Sure, I like what I like and don't like who I don't like, but that history is not exactly a bright or positive way of life. I've spent a lot of my adult life trying to break out of that way of thought, but also realizing how much of the world operates in this way. Not easy to be otherwise, or at least for me it hasn't been. Small steps, but I'm grateful for any size step away from that.

Not to bag on any of you. I run into jerks all the time, and I'm certain I'm that jerk to some too. My biggest impression trigger is intimidation. People who give off that aggressive or violent vibe are the ones who immediately set me off to not like them. Bravado and machismo and testosterone. May we walk on opposite sides of the street.

I've always tried to get along with everyone and not be quick to judge. In fact most people I'll go well out of line to be nice to including a ****. With time and patience once I've decided a person is a ****, they are a ******** and always will be. Only one has elevated to the status of a dumb **** head and he brought me some parts today so I can do my job. And for that I thanked him as nicely as I could so he would leave.

 

[Slowalkintexan]

I was a salesman for over 50 years. Haven’t met anyone I didn’t like yet. Everyone, and I do mean everyone has good in them if you just loook for it.

 

[Ranger107]

I was a salesman for over 50 year negative qualitiess. Haven’t met anyone I didn’t like yet. Everyone, and I do mean everyone has good in them if you just loook for it.

Wow, you are either extremely lucky or the most gracious person on earth. While I agree almost everyone has some good in them there are those whose negative traits simply overwhelm the better aspects of their personality. As a manager for many years and a VP for two companies it was my job to resolve issues between clients, personnel, and vendors. Some folks are just plain annoying and while I could usually deal with them there were those who made it a challenge.

 

[Niblick]

I was a salesman for over 50 years. Haven’t met anyone I didn’t like yet. Everyone, and I do mean everyone has good in them if you just loook for it.

Congrats on 50 yrs. I'm 12 years short of that now and will hang it up when I reach it. The person I'm referring to is I'm sure overflowing with good. It just so happens its at being a **** and it may be all my fault.

You see the first sentence he ever said to me was "What the **** are you good for then" when a co-worker asked me if I had a pair of wire cutters after I replyed no. Even bad people can be a good example of what not to be

 

[RSteve]

Everyone, and I do mean everyone has good in them if you just look for it.

A, B, and C...I want someone's "goodness" to be obvious. If I have to look for it, I don't want to bother with them.
At a funeral, I attended some years ago, the widow seemed relieved. There were no tears, not one. The marriage had been long, but acrimonious with several separations, but not a divorce because of their religion. During an informal gathering prior to the funeral mass the young priest asked the widow to say a few words about her late husband. She said he was verbally abusive, frugal on everything, except himself, and didn't really enjoy making friends. The young priest said, "Certainly, he had some good qualities, " to which she replied, "No, he didn't."

This may sound like a joke, but I swear it isn't. Two men, brothers, known to my paternal family, were fabulously successful businessmen. There were always allegations that some of their "business" was involved in illegal activity, primarily gambling. They lived together in the house where they were raised, neither ever married. They both lived into their eighties and died about two years apart.
They had many business connections, but it seemed like their only friendship was brotherly.
A friend asked me if I'd accompany him to the second brother's funeral. I only went because the guy who asked me to go with him could no longer drive.
The officiant at the funeral asked for people in attendance to come up and say a few words about the deceased. No one came forward, until the guy I'd driven asked me to help him go to the pulpit. I dreaded to hear what he was going to say. On the way to the funeral, he called the deceased every cuss word I'd ever heard.
All he said was: "His brother was worse."
And everyone there, including me, laughed so hard I was afraid I was going to throw up.

 

[Slowalkintexan]

A short story long. Years ago on the road most salesman worked out of the big city,, there was a city at the end of our territories that was pretty affluent, too far for a day trip so most of us stayed at the some hotel, met up after at the same bar to swap stories and tell lies. Most of the salesmen would ***** about this or that “so and so” who was so ornery,,, I just listened, and learned, I called those sob’s and gave them my best treatment, regardless of how surlythey were. After about three visits I started getting some business from them.. Often just listening to them tell their stories, helped. Often they just appreciated someone listening. My business with all of them kept growing,,,,a year or so later I ran into a young ‘company’ salesman who service these same accounts, He had to because many of them were ‘company’ acconts. He said he noticed more and more of my products were creeping into ‘his’ stores… by that time I was getting the majority of their business and they were a large part of mine. Became good friends with many of those surly ‘ol sob’s’….

 

[RSteve]

There's a classic story, which may or may not be true. A manufacturer's representative for a line of hardware was obligated by his company to "visit" a potential client in Rapid City, South Dakota, a couple of times a year, to show his line of products. This went on for many years and not only was there never a sale, but the "client" always had critical comments for everything in the product line.
After many years of no success, the salesman went to the business and asked to see Mr. Kraemer, the owner, who had always criticized his product line and never bought anything. The receptionist said, "I'm sorry but Mr. Kraemer has passed away."
The next day, the salesman returned and once again asked to see Mr.Kraemer. The receptionist, once again said, "Perhaps, I wasn't clear, our founder, Mr. Kraemer is at peace with the Lord."
The following day the salesman returned. The receptionist was not gentle. "I told you, Mr. Kraemer has passed away. Do you understand, he has died. He's dead!"
To which the salesman replied, "I just like to hear you say it."

 

[GtrSmoker]

I like where this has led.

I try to not let my first impressions completely rule people out, unless they’re just obviously horrible. One of my oldest, dearest friends transferred into my high school when we were sophomores. Those first two years, we nearly came to blows a couple of times. But senior year, he became buddies with two of my even older, closer friends. Once I got to really know him, I found out how he’s really a one of a kind type of character. Prince of a guy. If he’s talking, he’s probably lying... but only in the way that leads to better stories and hilarity. Nothing malicious.

Initially, we were just a couple of young bucks jockeying for position in our high school and the eyes of the ladies. When we finally joined forces, we were a force to be reckoned with there for a couple of years, until he settled down with the girl he’s been with ever since.

So... sometimes... it just takes a while.

 

[Ranger107]

There are those who can and do change with time and circumstances. I took a job once running the QA dept for a large FBO. The maintenance supervisor was rude, surly, demanding, overbearing, and uncooperative. I just dealt with him the best that I could without becoming angry or rude in return. Over time I found out he was in a horrible marriage, estranged from his kids, and had financial burdens. He wanted a divorce, wife would not agree. Kind of felt sorry for the guy. After nearly a year his wife was killed in a car accident. His kids, removed from the wife's influence, became friendly again. Insurance on his wife helped ease the financial burden. Almost overnight the guy became a changed person. Tolerant, easy going, cooperative, and friendly. In short, a nice guy. I try to remember that when I encounter a rude or less than friendly person. They may have issues we don't know about that is making them that way. Relationship issues, debt, medical problems, etc. I always try to follow the golden rule, treat everyone the way I wish to be treated. Doesn't always work but at least I

 

[Ranger107]

Tr

There are those who can and do change with time and circumstances. I took a job once running the QA dept for a large FBO. The maintenance supervisor was rude, surly, demanding, overbearing, and uncooperative. I just dealt with him the best that I could without becoming angry or rude in return. Over time I found out he was in a horrible marriage, estranged from his kids, and had financial burdens. He wanted a divorce, wife would not agree. Kind of felt sorry for the guy. After nearly a year his wife was killed in a car accident. His kids, removed from the wife's influence, became friendly again. Insurance on his wife helped ease the financial burden. Almost overnight the guy became a changed person. Tolerant, easy going, cooperative, and friendly. In short, a nice guy. I try to remember that when I encounter a rude or less than friendly person. They may have issues we don't know about that is making them that way. Relationship issues, debt, medical problems, etc. I always try to follow the golden rule, treat everyone the way I wish to be treated. Doesn't always work but at least I

There are those who can and do change with time and circumstances. I took a job once running the QA dept for a large FBO. The maintenance supervisor was rude, surly, demanding, overbearing, and uncooperative. I just dealt with him the best that I could without becoming angry or rude in return. Over time I found out he was in a horrible marriage, estranged from his kids, and had financial burdens. He wanted a divorce, wife would not agree. Kind of felt sorry for the guy. After nearly a year his wife was killed in a car accident. His kids, removed from the wife's influence, became friendly again. Insurance on his wife helped ease the financial burden. Almost overnight the guy became a changed person. Tolerant, easy going, cooperative, and friendly. In short, a nice guy. I try to remember that when I encounter a rude or less than friendly person. They may have issues we don't know about that is making them that way. Relationship issues, debt, medical problems, etc. I always try to follow the golden rule, treat everyone the way I wish to be treated. Doesn't always work but at least I

Tried. Dang phone cut me off short.

 

[Ranger107]

Sorry for the double post. Phone not working for squat this morning.

 

[Blackhorse]

I was a salesman for over 50 years. Haven’t met anyone I didn’t like yet. Everyone, and I do mean everyone has good in them if you just loook for it.

Well said. There have been instances when I met someone and didn’t like them then discovered later that they had many good qualities.

 

[Donk93953]

Met two incredibly wealthy men on separate occasions. Both Forbes Magazine rich.They both had reputations as being so taken with themselves they had one subject,“ME”.
I was fortunate to be on the board of an organization they wanted to join.
So it was a sit down and cocktails.
I tried my best to keep an open mind , but within 5 minutes, heck, 3 minutes, there was no way I’d last over one drink with either of these guys.
Looking around the table, I could see most of the board members were already voting “No” in their heads.
In both cases, these two men were trying to impress us with their wealth and business savy and how the club would be more famous by having them as members.
As we broke for cocktails about 4 left the building. Those that remained were more courteous and stayed for handshake and a “Nice to meet you.”
I followed suit.
But as I walked down the stairs to the foyer, one of the other board members muttered, “No f..king way. I have to go wash my hands.”
Interesting how this played out.
One of these chaps was turned down by so many clubs that he bought and started his own.
The other basically pledged so much $ to a rival club, he rebuilt it and covers the majority of the operating expenses.
As an aside, I ran into one of the these fellows at another event. He was eyeing me and asked “We’ve met before, right?”
First I was surprised he recognized me, he had appeared so self absorbed.
My response was,”Perhaps…” and smiled.

 

[Zeno Marx]

I think of the long form interview. If you listen to two people talk for an hour, you're likely to hear something you like or agree with, even when it comes from someone you dislike and disagree with 99.99% of the time. That is, if you're open to it. If you're closed off, there's zero chance of hearing anything of value. It's a difficult thing, and easier said than done. I just listened to something last night like this, the Real Time with Bill Maher. One of the guests is a very objectionable character, yet there was something to learn from them.