How important is pipe smoking compromise...

[bentbulldog]

Hello Brothers,
I hope you are all doing well on this Tuesday (feels like Monday) afternoon.
I could use some guidance from the folk here in a recent project my family and I started:
We are planning on moving and into our first major purchase, likely a Co-Op. Queens and NYC in general are abundant in affordable Co-Ops. My daughter will be 4 soon and we’re looking for a place zoned for good schools.

For the past 7.5 yrs, smoking a pipe involved me dressing up, getting my drink in a takeout cup, getting my pipe ready, heading down 4 or 5 flights and sitting in my car. This used to be done in the garage, which was annoying but predictable and manageable but since we got another car last year, the Mrs got the garage space and I got stuck with street parking, which sometimes requires me to park 2-3 blocks away (VERY annoying). At some points it wasn’t even worth the effort, and I’d go almost weeks without going out.

Now that we are in the market, she and I set conditions: She has to have a garage space and I need to have a terrace. School zoning is most important, but for this to be a WIN/WIN all conditions must be met, especially if we plan on staying there for 6-9 yrs.

I can’t stand Urban Areas, NYC being top of the chain and I’ve persevered here at the cost of my sanity. I’ve always been more suburban. She wants to move closer to her mother, who lives even closer to the city than we do now. Queens however, being a hub borough in NYC, is not only expensive but congested and filled with buildings on top of buildings. There are areas with nice houses but FAR from our financial reach. The point is that Garages are abundant here, but balcony’s/terraces are harder to find, especially within our price range and good school zoning. We can find a few places that meet all that criteria except for that one. I however insisted that we keep searching.

Point of Post:
Yesterday The Mrs told me that I’m being ridiculously unreasonable and I’m putting our daughter’s schooling in Jeopardy because of my smoking. If she had it her way, there wouldn’t be ANY smoking, but having that space is important to me and isn’t JUST for smoking.
Thinking about this, I wonder If am being unreasonable. I remember before I got married when I first started pipe smoking and lived in a house with a porch, it was SO much more convenient and enjoyable to smoke.

What are your thoughts?

Many Thanks!

 

[J Soshae]

My daughter will be 4 soon and we’re looking for a place zoned for good schools.

This would be my first priority! As an added bonus, a good school system is usually an indicator that you will make money on real estate if you are purchasing.

Easy to say from Alabama, but I would find a nearby place to take walks and enjoy the pipe. This could be a scenic street or a nearby cigar lounge. I am not sure of the NYC rules. Can you sit on the front steps to smoke a pipe?

I would not like to live without my grill. Where do you grill if you do not have a terrace?

 

[Stick]

Complex one old chap. But I have to say, I'm with your good lady.
We're looking at moving house soon and the sole purpose of the move is for the house to serve as a family home to raise our children whilst giving access to a renowned school. Everything else comes second. That said, there can't be too many compromises as this will just make you unhappy and resentful; not good when you're trying to create a loving environment. For what it's worth, my strategy would be to disregard the need for a smoking spot and make something work after the purchase. If you're motivated enough, you'll find a way...

 

[jefe1037]

Being in Chicagoland here, I will only say that Outdoor space is important to me as well, but for the multiple purposes it offers. I grill, the kiddie pool, place for the dog to crap, etc. A terrace for the singular purpose of smoking is luxurious, but Res Ipso Loquitor, a luxury is unnecessary.

 

[DoverPipes]

It seems it's more about the In-Laws than about the kid IMHO. :suspect:
You can always move further upstate and find FANTASTIC Public schools and actually have a piece of land. Hell, you may even have a detached garage with a loft that can become your new smoking HQ.......that's how WE do it up in these parts!

 

[monbla256]

You've got a CORE question to resolve with your wife BEFORE you do this move. And I need to know did you smoke BEFORE you met your wife or have you taken up the habit AFTER you got married. To a degree if AFTER she has some say but if BEFORE she needs to ACCEPT it and you BOTH find a way to COMPRIMISE!! This is not a word or concept much in favor these days, but it WILL be necessary for this to get resolved! I wish you luck and you BOTH need to remember ".... for better or for worse..." :twisted: :twisted:

 

[RDPipes]

Sounds like your wife is a bit demanding if you ask me. :suspect:
If it were me I'd do what I want and tell her it's your turn now.

 

[bentbulldog]

My daughter will be 4 soon and we’re looking for a place zoned for good schools.

This would be my first priority! As an added bonus, a good school system is usually an indicator that you will make money on real estate if you are purchasing.

Easy to say from Alabama, but I would find a nearby place to take walks and enjoy the pipe. This could be a scenic street or a nearby cigar lounge. I am not sure of the NYC rules. Can you sit on the front steps to smoke a pipe?

I would not like to live without my grill. Where do you grill if you do not have a terrace?

NYC is becoming more and more a Nanny state.
- You can't smoke in Public Parks, but BBQing is fine :scratch:
- You can't smoke within 20 ft. of the entrance to a building.
- Both these conditions would be a problem in the winter. I used to have a heater next to me when I lived in house, which made smoking outside a REAL pleasure.
- The nearest smoking lounge is 20 minutes away, and parking is tough and they won't let me smoke unless I buy something. The other lounge has parking but is 30 minutes. That's would turn a 60 minute relax time into a 2 hour rush time.

 

[puros_bran]

Bent, you're talking to a bunch of idgits that apparently have never been to NYC or had a woman. 

It's an important concern if it's something you want.  Will you have to compromise?  Maybe... If it really comes down to smoking or the kid I know what you'll do.  (There's a black market for kids..just sayin.  Lol ) 

I'd set a deadline.  I don't know what the timeframe is but set a hard deadline and if you can't find what you want you are going to have to get the next best choice.    May suck if it doesn't turn out in your favor but it gives both of you hope.

 

[Kyle Weiss]

Last time I checked, there's a lot of space & properties available in the good ol' US of A. Probably some that might even accommodate the family, a career, safety, reasonable laws (regarding tobacco, too), decent schools, etc. Skip Nevada, though, we're usually dead last regarding schooling and graduation, but you can sometimes get away with a smoke even in hospital emergency rooms.

8)

 

[DrumsAndBeer]

IMHO, wife and children first, (or to be more precise, children first wife second).  The smoking spot will fall into place.

And while it may not end up being the most optimal place for you to smoke, I am sure you'll make due.  

My wife likes to tell me that if I wanted to be Archie Bunker I should have opted to have been born 50-60 years earlier.

 

[puros_bran]

Drums, my grandfather (passed 2 years ago next month) was a splitting image of Mr O'Conner.

 

[DrumsAndBeer]

Drums, my grandfather (passed 2 years ago next month) was a splitting image of Mr O'Conner.

Awesome.

My wife's father was a WW2 vet. He was 50 years old when she was born in 1972. He watched "All in the Family" like it was a reality show. Hence her constant barrage of Archie Bunker references.

 

[puros_bran]

My grandpa Woodrow Salyer ( the one I'm talking about) was a decorated WW2 vet.     When they drafted him he said he was a conscientious objector for religious reasons... They asked if he was opposed to war or opposed to killing.  Long story short he ended up a medic.  Ended up getting bombed in Italy.   Papaw said he looked over and his buddy didn't have any legs so he scooped him up and carried him like 7 miles to a hospital.   When papaw laid the dude down, papaws guts spilled out on his buddy's body.   They said the only thing that saved papaw was scooping his buddy up so quick, papaw said he didn't even know he was wounded.    Ended up in Britian with an offer to go home because of the seriousness of his wounds but he made the decision to go back to his unit..     I got all this from Mamaw when I was 6-7 years old because (in my words) "papaw has black spots and blood on his back."     They never dug the shrapnel out back then, through the years bits and pieces would work their way out....   Tough sum ******* that makes the toughest of us look like little girls.

 

[J Soshae]

My grandfather was an electrician on a Flying Fortress. You are right. They were a tough bunch.

Bentbulldog: The 20' rule may be your only friend. I thought it was much further than that.

We like to visit the Clinton area of Manhattan for a few days at a time to catch Broadway. It is nice to come back home to the suburbs. I do not understand why people pay 10x as much per sq. ft. to live on top of each other.

 

[swhipple]

Point of Post:
Yesterday The Mrs told me that I’m being ridiculously unreasonable and I’m putting our daughter’s schooling  in Jeopardy because of my smoking. If she had it her way, there wouldn’t be ANY smoking, but having that space is important to me and isn’t JUST for smoking.
Thinking about this, I wonder If am being unreasonable. I remember before I got married when I first started pipe smoking and lived in a house with a porch, it was SO much more convenient and enjoyable to smoke.

What are your thoughts?

Many Thanks!

I've been thinking about your dilemma and in my opinion you are not being unreasonable at all. You are already compromising your happiness by agreeing to move into the city so your wife can be closer to her mother. You want something to provide you with some happiness out of this move. Like you say it should be "win/win". The only way I see that you might be considered unreasonable is if what you want isn't available in your budget. I agree with the idea of setting a time limit and if you can't find a place that meets all the requirements within that time then someone should compromise. I would also suggest that if it comes down to a choice between the garage or the terrace your wife should compromise on the garage space first. Good luck however it works out!