Meeting my brother for the first time.

[RSteve]

You are a much better man than I am. There is no way I would let 90+ year old "mom" off the hook. I'd have already hired an investigator to track her down.
"Mom, you apparently kept all your children except me. Why did you decide to put me up for adoption?"

 

[RSteve]

I’ve only met my brother and his son in person that one time...and a sister via a short phone call. Following that initial meeting, after my brother went back to San Francisco, I’ve only heard from him once. That in response to some photos I sent him. He hasn’t given me his address or phone number. Disappointing.

Using the messaging system from 23 & Me, I'd send him this message:
"I've been extremely fortunate investing in the stock market. I would like to include my biological family in my estate plan. My lawyer has prepared documents for you to sign, but I don't know where to send them.

 

[RSteve]

Blackhorse commented:
I have a biological brother - with close to a 50% DNA match. Um, that level of identical DNA is indicative of being fraternal twins (identical twins = a 100% match)....
I do have an adoptive brother that I grew up with. But we are like 7Up vs Pepsi.

I have a biological brother, four years older than I am. In our own way, we've both been quite successful, but we are intrinsically as different as strangers might be.

 

[RSteve]

Speaking of 23 & Me. A fellow with whom I served in the army, while in Vietnam, has had an interesting experience. He's been married multiple times and apparently had numerous affairs. With his consent, one of his daughters entered his DNA into the 23 & Me data base looking for potential half siblings. She received a contact from a man living in Sweden. He was adopted as a small child from Vietnam by a Swedish couple. His mother was Vietnamese and he assumed his father was a U.S. serviceman. He's searching for his father and biological family. It looks like he found them.

 

[AlphaWarrior]

I am late to the party, but think these discoveries are marvelous. Thank you for sharing this personal story with us.

 

[R.A.]

Yes the DNA match thing is quite interesting, Found out about 2 years back (after 50 plus years) I had 2 half brothers (one deceased) and 2 half sisters, It can be exciting and interesting as well as dredge up a ton of mystery and many un·answered questions. Being adopted one always wonders about alot of such, It is cool to meet people you look like never having that before, physical features and such, And to be told you look more like their father than they do.

Similar food likes and career paths, skillsets how many family members on both sides who knew and never told and we all live less than 20 miles apart all of our lives, its mind boggling. we knew many of the same people, Found out my mechanic 20 years ago his mom was my cousin, Before I did the DNA thing I had looked into my bio parents at that point not knowing I had siblings, a person helping with research after doing then DNA thing found out they were my cousin also,

For as many questions I had answered so many more new ones which cant be asnwered going on 2 years now I understand how not being given a phone number or address can be disappointing Blackhorse I wish you luck

 

[RSteve]

Blackhorse commented:
I have a biological brother - with close to a 50% DNA match. Um, that level of identical DNA is indicative of being fraternal twins (identical twins = a 100% match)....
I do have an adoptive brother that I grew up with. But we are like 7Up vs Pepsi.

I have a biological brother, four years older than I am. In our own way, we've both been quite successful, but we are intrinsically as different as strangers might be.

As if I don't have enough going on with my life, awaiting spinal surgery.
I volunteered to be a subject in the National Institute of Health's All of Us study. While somewhat similar to Ancestry.com, 23 & Me, etc. I believe the study sample and data base are very large, beyond the scope of the private research firms. Some of the results were reported yesterday. I should note that the NIH, for it's study, uses information from my V.A. Health history. It examines DNA using more than a saliva sample. My DNA clearly indicates that my parents were certainly not my biological parents and it's been a secret my entire life. At age 76, I was the youngest of all my first cousins, all now deceased. My parents died before I was out of my teens. After I saw the report, I immediately phoned my older brother, "Do you remember Mom being pregnant with me?" His reply, "We're four years apart in age. Do you expect me to remember anything from when I was four-years-old?" My brother's memory of our youth is frankly sketchy on all matters, so I'm not at all surprised at his reply.
I have no baby pictures and was always curious about that. After my surgery is complete, I'm going to use the 23 & Me and Ancestry.com sites to see if I can locate biological relatives.
This has spooked me for over 50 years. When I was out processed out of Vietnam at the replacement station, I was having lunch in the mess hall before being placed on a flight manifest. As I ate, two guys approached me, stood over me for a couple of seconds, until one said, "What the f*** are you doing here?" I said I was waiting to get on a flight manifest to go home. "You left our unit two months ago, you been stuck here that long?"
The long and short. I may have an identical twin or a doppelganger. I never pursued it after I got home. There, of course, was no internet, no DNA databases, etc. and my parents were both dead.
Now, I'm just curious. If I do have a twin, I hope he's still alive and in a data base. Perhaps, he wasn't raised in secrecy.

 

[Blackhorse]

Best of luck that you’re successful and it turns out positively for you all.

 

[Brewdude]

Quite the story Steve. Hope you can get some resolution.



Cheers,

RR

 

[RSteve]

Best of luck that you’re successful and it turns out positively for you all.

Quite the story Steve. Hope you can get some resolution. Cheers, RR

To be totally up front. No matter what I discover, my immediate life probably won't change much, if at all. My relationship to my daughters and grandchildren certainly won't change. My closest nephew is the son of my late step sister, not a "blood" relative. He's 61 and our relationship is very close and the bond is strong. Both of his children are adoptees from Latin America and I will always be their special Gruncle Steve (Great Uncle). I think the relationship with my brother won't change much; two old men living with a surprise. What may change, if I discover close relatives, are travel plans. It would be great fun to meet some relatives I didn't know I have and ultimately tell my daughters about this bizarre turn of events. I haven't informed them of the recent findings and if there are no relatives to meet, they have no need to know.

 

[RSteve]

While convalescing from my surgery, I spoke with a study representative from the N.I.H. She asked about my mother, whether she had a history of miscarriages. The answer was yes. I'd been told that prior to the birth of my brother in 1941, she'd miscarried twice, late term. My brother was two months premature, a miracle survivor. The researcher said that it was quite possible that my father and mother's DNA may have been somewhat incompatible and that my mother may have been discreetly artificially inseminated to conceive me. My brother's son did the 23 & Me and we do have a small percentage of DNA similar. My maternal grandparents were cousins, married in Poland in the 1890s. My mother died in 1954. I am certain she did not have extramarital relations that resulted in my birth, but I would not be at all surprised if her older, physician brother aided her in being inseminated by a donor, without even telling my father. My father was ten years older than my mother. She was brilliant; a concert pianist, fabric artist, and teacher. She was a college graduate at age 19. My father was a good guy, but somewhat immature and irresponsible. He was an exceptional athlete.They were an unlikely couple who loved one another.

 

[BriarPipeNYC]

I pray that your meeting brings unimagined joys and new love to all, and for all, involved.

What a wonderful, and blessed gift!

 

[RSteve]

I pray that your meeting brings unimagined joys and new love to all, and for all, involved. What a wonderful, and blessed gift!

Thank you for the kind words. I confess that I am somewhat preoccupied with curiosity about my origin.

 

[RSteve]

The saga continues. A maternal first cousin, long ago deceased, would be 108 this year. His son is about two months older than me, also named Steve. I contacted him to see if there was any chance he had family photographs that might show our two mothers, both pregnant together. He did, an old black and white, obviously taken with an old Kodak box camera.

 

[gkhanna74]

What an amazing story Blackhorse. I wish you the best as you connect with your biological brother. Small and crazy world we live in.

 

[Blackhorse]

What an amazing story Blackhorse. I wish you the best as you connect with your biological brother. Small and crazy world we live in.

Yeah...pretty amazing all right. Current status: had one in person meet with my brother and a nephew. It went very, very well from my perspective. Two big take aways: 1. Bro said plainly that his principal goal was to protect “Mom” in all regards...2. Discovered that “Mom & Pop” had been married a bit before my birth. Yet even though married they gave me up for adoption. That meeting was prior to covid of course. After that my brother was hesitant to inform Mom of this whole thing...looking for the “right time”. Finally, on the extended family’s annual cruise trip (this one a Disney cruise from San Francisco to Hawaii & back) my brother sat down with Mom and gradually told her all about the 23 & Me genetic testing routine and how it turned me up. Hmmmm. There’s a milestone, right? So after that Mom decided (again) that she had no interest in knowing about me, meeting me, allowing me to meet her, etc. So that’s that. Door closed. And even though I guess I shouldn’t mourn the loss of something I never had...I do. In the final analysis I think there might be a healthy dose of protecting Mom’s money (if there is any) from an unknown threat (that would be me, in my bro’s eyes). So I’m all over the place with the whole thing. What a world.

 

[RSteve]

"So after that Mom decided (again) that she had no interest in knowing about me, meeting me, allowing me to meet her, etc."
You do have to keep in mind that this is hearsay. Your brother could be telling a falsehood. You have to consider what motivated your brother to put his DNA sample in the 23 & Me data base.

 

[Blackhorse]

"So after that Mom decided (again) that she had no interest in knowing about me, meeting me, allowing me to meet her, etc."
You do have to keep in mind that this is hearsay. Your brother could be telling a falsehood. You have to consider what motivated your brother to put his DNA sample in the 23 & Me data base.

Sure. There’s that and several other possibilities. It all boils down to the same outcome...so I’m not obsessing over it. I’m just taking even more advantage of all the great things I do have. It’s a Jimmy Stewart in “It’s a Wonderful Life” kinda thing.

 

[gkhanna74]

I am sad to hear that your biological mother is not open to meeting you—at least for now. That truly is her loss. You never know—-that may just be her initial reaction due to shock or fear or other emotions, and it may change. People can handle what they can handle and it is hard to predict/understand why it is that way. The best you can do is keep an open heart and mind, and continue living your best life without regards to things you cannot control—-just as you have been