The Visitors in Sleep

[RSteve]

When I was 20-years-old at the University of Minnesota, I regularly studied at a 24/7 library which had been set up for medical students, but not restricted to them. For several months, from fall, 1966 to early spring, I sat at the same table/same chair. Directly across from me, 99% of the time, was a female M.D. from South Korea, who was at the U. of MN Medical School doing an advanced residency in thoracic surgery. She was eight years older than me.

What began as ducking across the street together to the U.Hospital canteen for a late night snack evolved into a serious relationship.

The relationship very likely would never have occurred, had she not had the mistaken notion about my sexuality. She mistakenly thought I was gay. I always dressed fashionably and had a full head of wavy auburn hair, worn almost to my shoulders.

We became very close and ultimately became intimate. I, literally, begged her to marry me and stay in the U.S. She said that was impossible. She was promised to the son of a friend of her family. He had been patiently waiting to marry her for 10 years. Not to marry him, would disgrace her family for generations.

She gave me the date she'd be leaving Mpls and I gave her my married sister's mailing address, in the event she wanted to contact me. One week earlier, to the day that she said she'd be leaving, she was gone. No tearful good-byes. Nothing. About a year and a half later, my sister informed me that I had a mailing from South Korea. No legitimate return address. Inside the envelope, a photograph of her holding a baby. On the back was written, "I wish he were ours." Not signed.
If she's still alive, she's 84, but in my mind's eye and as an occasional visitor in my dreams, she'll always be 28. Last night she visited.

 

[Stick]

Gosh Steve, that’s one heck of a story.

 

[Brewdude]

Heavy stuff Steve. Sad it didn't work out. I cannot wrap my head around those sorts of cultural obligations.


Cheers?

RR

 

[kxg]

That is a great story of unrequited love and bittersweet dreams.

 

[Brunello]

Thanks for sharing a story of real substance. Something to ponder.

 

[orharris@oldnationalinsur]

When I was 20-years-old at the University of Minnesota, I regularly studied at a 24/7 library which had been set up for medical students, but not restricted to them. For several months, from fall, 1966 to early spring, I sat at the same table/same chair. Directly across from me, 99% of the time, was a female M.D. from South Korea, who was at the U. of MN Medical School doing an advanced residency in thoracic surgery. She was eight years older than me.

What began as ducking across the street together to the U.Hospital canteen for a late night snack evolved into a serious relationship.

The relationship very likely would never have occurred, had she not had the mistaken notion about my sexuality. She mistakenly thought I was gay. I always dressed fashionably and had a full head of wavy auburn hair, worn almost to my shoulders.

We became very close and ultimately became intimate. I, literally, begged her to marry me and stay in the U.S. She said that was impossible. She was promised to the son of a friend of her family. He had been patiently waiting to marry her for 10 years. Not to marry him, would disgrace her family for generations.

She gave me the date she'd be leaving Mpls and I gave her my married sister's mailing address, in the event she wanted to contact me. One week earlier, to the day that she said she'd be leaving, she was gone. No tearful good-byes. Nothing. About a year and a half later, my sister informed me that I had a mailing from South Korea. No legitimate return address. Inside the envelope, a photograph of her holding a baby. On the back was written, "I wish he were ours." Not signed.
If she's still alive, she's 84, but in my mind's eye and as an occasional visitor in my dreams, she'll always be 28. Last night she visited.

Wow. What deep feelings expressed. Thanks for sharing that.

 

[Idlefellow]

That's a Hallmark movie right there! Seriously, a very heartfelt and bittersweet tale, and well told.

 

[Ranger107]

Back in 2000, I moved to Ca and took a job at the Van Nuys airport. Shortly after I arrived I met a lady of japanese heritage. Her father was a diplomat in the US. Born in Louisiana, back to Japan till high school then back to the US. Dated for several years, talked about marriage, definitely in love. Then in 2007 I was diagnosed with lymphoma and Dr. said it could be fatal if it had gotten into the vital organs, just would not know for sure for several months and numerous biopsies. I know she would have stood beside me, but I could not bring myself to.put her through that. So I broke off with her. After nearly a year and two rounds of chemo, it was in remission. I contacted her to let her know my status. We dated for a while and I asked het to marry me. She said she could not. I asked why. She said, you turned away from me when you needed me most, so I am not sure I can ever trust you not to turn away again. So I screwed myself out of a great relationship because I didn't want to burden her with the potential of my possible demise. Maybe I should have let her stand by me through the ordeal, but just couldn't bring myself to do it. Just fate I guess.

 

[RSteve]

Heavy stuff Steve.

It's really strange, almost frightening. I had a good marriage for 31 years before my wife's death. She is almost never in my dreams. My first wife seems to appear when I've been under heavy stress. When I'm feeling quite alone, some of the women of my youth appear, remarkably looking as they did decades ago.

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