What Beard size are you?

[Aussiemike]

I have seen these t-shirts over the years and thought they were funny. I have ordered one.
ZZtop guys would have to be at least wizards. I would be probably hillbilly/sea captain or trucker/santa on second picture, won't know till I get the shirt
I went to the doctors last week and chatted to the receptionist and she commented "Its almost xmas we will be wrapping presents soon". I came back with"yeah I get to do my yearly job,hope you have been good" She started to laugh then tried to composed herself
I am glad the mask restrictions are over as with a mask on " I looked like a 70s bikini line"
What are you?

ZZ top

 

[Timbo]

Mines, kept trimmed short. Wouldn't even make the bar for those tshirts.

Funny thing with ZZ Top, the dude without a beard, his surname is Beard...

 

[Balisong]

I'm with @Timbo I keep my mustache and beard under a half inch and my neck shaved.

 

[D.L.Ruth]

Unfortunately I am clean shaven daily, but only for three more years

 

[Idlefellow]

Had a beard for a while in college, a goatee for a time a few years back. Have had my moustache since 1968 or so except for a couple of short clean-shaven periods.

 

[Zeno Marx]

My schedule used to be two months > trim to stubble > two months > trim to stubble... I tried shaping it and doing all kinds of different things to go longer, but after around 8 weeks, it drove me nuts. For a couple years, I let just my chin area keep growing longer than that before also trimming it. I was reminded of that last night watching the Dodgers' closer finish up the pennant. His was trimmed, but he looks like a tool anyway. I'm glad I don't take photos of myself, because there would be evidence that I was that same tool, but 10Xs it. Never anything that would even hit those charts though.

I wanted to someday look like Hermann Nitsch, but there is no way I could do it.

 

[MLBbreton]

I use a hair trimmer every 7-10 days.
Used to have to dress up and shave every day.
NO MORE hahahaha hahaha ha
The beauty of my new career as a farmer.
Almost everything has more hair than me and smells as bad.

 

[Balisong]

Almost everything has more hair than me and smells as bad.

I can sympathize! I raise birds for eggs and roasts!

 

[Swede]

I was at about the caveman level 2-3 years ago. Now, about every month, I trim to about 1/4 inch. FWIW, I read that selenium is important for the hormone that supports beard growth, so I get mine by eating 2 brazil nut a day. No more than that, as you can get too much of that.

 

[Ranger107]

My beard grows in patchy and uneven. Plus wife doesn't like beards. Never tried to grow a full beard. Now that I'm retired I've settled for a Sam Elliott style mustache, down to the chin. Wife does like that.

 

[PawPaw]

I keep my beard somewhat trimmed short. My whiskers are gray and don’t want to cooperate.

 

[Idlefellow]

I shave once or twice a week, whether I need to or not .

 

[peter cornbriar]

I'm between a saint and a professor per the beard chart on exhibit 1. Always keep beard trimmed to 1/8-1/4" or 4-6mm. Only shaved it off between Fall of '98 to Spring of 2000. Else have had beard since I was discharged, (Honorably), from the USAF. I think the highest ranking beard as displayed on chest of exhibit 1 is unruly, and Neandertal like. I'd love to go around with a long pair of shears and.... paint your own picture.

 

[Aussiemike]

I just remembered I went to this barber once. He lite a match and waved around my ears to burn the hair off, I almost **** myself. He had a huge collection of straight razors displayed and 2 or 3 posters of Sweeny todd https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sweeney_Todd on the wall. You couldn't tell him the way you wanted your hair cut "he knew best" seriously

 

[PawPaw]

I just remembered I went to this barber once. He lite a match and waved around my ears to burn the hair off, I almost **** myself. He had a huge collection of straight razors displayed and 2 or 3 posters of Sweeny todd https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sweeney_Todd on the wall. You couldn't tell him the way you wanted your hair cut "he knew best" seriously

That’s hilarious and disturbing at the same time.

 

[Timbo]

Got a Turkish barber for my local one and he does the match/lighter trick for ear hair too.

He also does a weird threading thing with string.

Here's a vid of both of the above in practice.

 

[Bud Savoie01]

I'm one of the few who has no facial foliage. My sons have experimented off and on, and my sons-in-law sport them; but at my advanced age, my wife says I wouldn't look good with a spotty, salt-and-pepper beard. I wonder whether smoking a pipe would make a beard smell like dead ash.

 

[Gaius Marius]

I like my beard longer but my wife won't tolerate anything longer than a long stubble/short beard.
Wifes' often manage to get their way with things so my beard stays short.

 

[Zeno Marx]

I wonder whether smoking a pipe would make a beard smell like dead ash.

my experience with a beard and pipe smoking has been positive, especially with English blends. Beards DO hold scent, but in a good way. Smell latakia all day long after a single smoke.