sayings and proverbs

[midnight rider]

Heard this the other day,
"If ifs and ands were pots and pans,
there'd be no need for tinkers' hands."

Just had to do a search and found

"Tinkers' hands."

The full Scottish proverb:
"If wishes were horses, beggars would ride
If turnips were swords, i'd wear one by my side
If ifs and ands were pots and pans,
there'd be no need for tinkers' hands."

Just wondering if anyone else might have some sayings.

 

[Doc Manhattan]

I like the variation of that one: "If 'ifs' and 'buts' were candy and nuts, we'd all have a merry Christmas."

A related favorite saying of mine: "Failure to plan on your part does not constitute a crisis on mine." That hangs in my father's office and appears at the bottom of every syllabus I write. It's necessary because of my grandfather's favorite saying: "People are no damn good."

 

[kilted1]

My Dad used to say this all the time, I'm not sure if he is the author of it however:

"The stronger sex,
is often the weaker sex,
do to the strength of the weakness of the stronger sex,
for the weaker sex."

Researching Scots/Irish proverbs can be lots of fun, I may post some links later when I have more time.

 

[Trout Bum]

Here's one that comes to mind, and always cracks me up:

Back in the day, when I was known to walk into a bar and hang out for, oh, six or eight hours of heavy drinking, I recall this one bartender, not sure where he was from, but he had this slow southern drawl, and always had a comical joke or saying on hand. His name was Ronnie, and it went something like this:
(On a hot summer day)

"Hey, Ronnie, how's it going?"

(With a slow, twangy drawl)
"Oh, pretty good. Boy, it sure is a hot one... Why, it's even hotter than little sister at big sister's wedding."

It took me a second, but when I got it, I laughed good and hard, then ordered a stiff drink, for which Ronnie was also well known for.

 

[paddy-boy]

Some of my favorites in Irish:

Bíonn grásta Dé idir an diallait agus an talamh.

trans: The grace of God is found between the saddle and the ground.


Ní bhíonn saoi gan locht

trans: There's no wise man without fault.


And My Grandda's favorite (G-d rest his soul)
Ní hé lá na gaoithe lá na scoilb
(you boyos can Google that one)

 

[kilted1]

Here is mother load of them:

Irish proverbs

Irish Proverbs In Gaelic with English Translation

 

[Anonymous]

This thread reminds me of growing up. My grandfather had some sort of "old saying" about most subjects. I remember when I used to start a sentence with the word "IF" his response was always "Well, IF a frog had wings it wouldn't go bumping his ass on the ground all day"....

 

[RonA3597]

I had a boss that used to say, "IF a frog had a glass ass it would only jump once".

 

[jeremyt]

If IF was a fith we'd all be drunk !

 

[kilted1]

This thread reminds me of growing up. My grandfather had some sort of "old saying" about most subjects. I remember when I used to start a sentence with the word "IF" his response was always "Well, IF a frog had wings it wouldn't go bumping his ass on the ground all day"....

My wife frequently says 'IF, if my aunt had balls, she'd be my uncle'

 

[ftrplt]

"If wishes were horses, beggars would ride. If a frog had wings, he wouldn't bump his ass every time he hopped!"

My mother's favorite..."Can't never could!!" FTRPLT

 

[Smokey Joe]

From my late, great grandpa- That boys got lard in his britches; Can't work a one-eyed Mule from the side; Oatmeal's better than no meal; I dun got struck by white lightnin; When yer money aint right, the moonshines bright;
My grandma had a good one too, That ol goat forgot where his milk came from;referring to grandpa.
He could have wrote a book on this stuff :lol:

 

[shootist51]

I always liked the scene in the movie "Hoosiers", where the old gal looks Gene Hackman in the eye and says,"Well, the sun shines on every dog's ass, sooner or later." :sunny:

 

[Bub]

A broken watch is right twice a day.

 

[kilted1]

A broken watch is right twice a day.

Only IF it is analog :twisted:

 

[Anonymous]

Had a supervisor once that would say "that's slicker than a snotty marble." another on the quality of our work "just make it perfect or better."
Had a co-worker that would say "that's hotter n a two dollar pistol."
Had a guy working for me once that used to say "you know what? people have more fun than anybody."
Lot's of country folks with country sayings around here, some only made sense to the individual or those closest to them, some were variations of more famous ones.