Here is a very simple, but thorough, formula for figuring the best time to open cellared tobacco:
First, weigh all the tobacco you have on hand and come up with a number for the total weight. For example, I think I have about 6 pounds of tobacco, total, on hand, at the present moment. I say I
think I have 6 pounds because even though I have a digital scale, I'm too lazy to go and individually weigh each tin I have. So, I figure I have about Forty 2oz. (plus or minus a few bowls) tins, which adds up to about 80 oz. which adds up to about 5 pounds and change. Okay, so I have 5 pounds, not 6, but for argument's sake, let's say it's 10 pounds because that's a nice even number and I'm not that great with math.
Second, take the total weight of the tobacco you have (5, 6, or 10 pounds, whichever sounds better to you) and add that to the estimated total weight of any and all future tobacco purchases you will buy for the rest of your life. I think I will buy 100 pounds (again, I don't really know for sure, but 100 is a nice, round number and I suck at math).
C., add these two numbers together. So, for me, the total would be 110...or 200 pounds (I rounded up to 200 to take into account me possibly winning the lotto and thereby doubling the amount of tobacco that I would buy for the rest of my lifetime--plus, 200 sounds like a nice, even roundish number and besides, I really suck at math.)
Four, take the total number of pounds of tobacco you have now and will ever buy in the future (even if you win the Lotto, or Powerballs, or whatever the hell you call it in your neck of the woods)--so, that's 200 pounds for the average-lousy-at-math Joe, like myself, and divide that number by the number of bowls you
think you will smoke for the rest of your life (Lotto or not).
So, let's see...to figure out the number of bowls I will smoke for the rest of my life, I have to first count how many bowls I smoke a day (about 1 or 2, but sometimes none at all, and once in a blue moon, like 4 or 5, when I meet up with my local pipe club...so let's just say I smoke 2 bowls a day--not exactly sure how I arrived at that number but that's a LOT of math to figure out and besides, that "sounds" about average and somehow kind of right, but who knows, I suck at my maths, even though I'm American and technically, should not even be saying, "my maths").
So, two bowls a day. Multiply that by 7 to arrive at your weekly bowl smoking amount (14, or, "20" bowls a week for me--20 is a good round number, plus I just like the sound of the word "twenty" better than I do the word "fourteen". To me, the word "fourteen" sounds odd, even though, technically, I know it is actually an even number--maybe it's because if you divide "fourteen" in halves, what do you get? Two sevens! And both of those suckers are odd. That bird don't hunt! Not the same with good ol' "Twenty." Look around you: ever see a fourteen dollar bill? Nope. Why? Because a Twenty is just way better. Okay, so, I lost my train of thought...
Yeah, so, take the amount of bowls you smoke per week and multiply that by the number of weeks in a year, fifty (or is it 52? like the number of states in our country--no, I'm pretty sure it's 50 weeks per year, not including Alaska or Puerto Rico) and multiply that number by the number of years you expect to live.
Let's see...I'm 44...I'm healthy...I'm a non-smoker...unless you include pipe smoking...and I don't engage in any kind of risky behavior such as promiscuity, politics, religion or dangerous or potentially unhealthy activities, like drugs, or politics (unless you include pipe smoking as unhealthy--but why would you do that? That's just weird).
Anyway, I figure I will live at least another 30 years for sure and possibly even 40 or 50 years (especially if I win the Lotto and can finally afford healthcare). So, let's just say I will live another 70 years, because that's a nice even round number and even though there's an odd number in there, I'm pretty sure it's still even, which makes me want to root for it because it's, like, an underdog. So let's go with 70 years...or 100. Yeah, I like 100 better. So, let's just go with 100 years.
But wait a minute, methinks. What if I don't live to be 144? What if I only live to be 100? or worse yet, 114? That would really suck because I really don't like the word fourteen. Don't believe me? If you say the word "fourteen" over and over again, it doesn't even sound like a real word. In fact, I'm pretty sure it isn't because, again, it just doesn't "sound" right.
Anyway, what if I don't even live past the young old age of 44? What then? After all, life is not guaranteed, no matter how good your maths skills are.
ale: Also, why do the emoticons on the sidebar of BoB change from day to day? What's up with that?
My point is nothing is guaranteed. Not even the freaking emoticons on the sidebar.
Wow...that's really depressing...I'm gonna' go open all of my cellared tobacco and smoke like 5 or 6...no, 10 bowls (but definitely not fourteen), RIGHT NOW! I suggest you do the same.
ig: Also, while you're still alive, and able to smoke your tobacco, do me a favor and find out why we have a pig emoticon on the sidebar. What's up with that?
Hurry, before it's all gone and you don't have the chance to do it again.