Todays chuckle

[Brewdude]

IQ test

This was developed as an intelligence test by a research and development department at Harvard University. Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person over 40 years of age can't do it!

1. This is this cat
2. This is is cat
3. This is how cat
4. This is to cat
5. This is keep cat
6. This is an cat
7. This is old cat
8. This is person cat
9. This is busy cat
10. This is for cat
11. This is forty cat
12. This is seconds cat

Now go back and read aloud the THIRD word in each line from the top down to determine your intelligence.

:cherry:


Cheers,

RR

 

[AJ]

IQ test

This was developed as an intelligence test by a research and development department at Harvard University. Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person over 40 years of age can't do it!

1. This is this cat
2. This is is cat
3. This is how cat
4. This is to cat
5. This is keep cat
6. This is an cat
7. This is old cat
8. This is person cat
9. This is busy cat
10. This is for cat
11. This is forty cat
12. This is seconds cat

Now go back and read aloud the THIRD word in each line from the top down to determine your intelligence.

:cherry:


Cheers,

RR

It works! :cheers: :fpalm:

AJ

 

[dkj42]

Works every time. :cyclops:

 

[Stick]

Oregon leads America in both marital infidelity and clinical depression. What a sad state of affairs.

 

[Stick]

I suffer terribly from insomnia. On the plus side, only three sleeps till Christmas.

 

[Brewdude]

Oregon leads America in both marital infidelity and clinical depression. What a sad state of affairs.

Eh? I doan tek yer meaning laddie!?

:scratch:


Cheers,

RR

 

[Stick]

Oregon leads America in both marital infidelity and clinical depression. What a sad state of affairs.

Eh? I doan tek yer meaning laddie!?

:scratch:


Cheers,

RR

Ok...

Oregon is a state.
If you were clinically depressed you'd be sad, or in a sad state, with 'state' being used to describe a way of being, e.g.,  'He'd received some very bad news and was in a terribly sad state'.
Marital infidelity can be described as an 'affair' e.g., 'He was having an affair with the office administrator'.

No?

 

[Brewdude]

Oregon leads America in both marital infidelity and clinical depression. What a sad state of affairs.

Eh? I doan tek yer meaning laddie!?

:scratch:


Cheers,

RR

Ok...

Oregon is a state.
If you were clinically depressed you'd be sad, or in a sad state, with 'state' being used to describe a way of being, e.g.,  'He'd received some very bad news and was in a terribly sad state'.
Marital infidelity can be described as an 'affair' e.g., 'He was having an affair with the office administrator'.

No?

Ah! I see said the blind man!

:cherry:


Cheers,

RR

 

[Ozark Wizard]

Yup, a beautiful play on words, and perhaps not so far off the mark of facts.... :lol!:

 

[Stick]

How about this one...

As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn’t afford a dog.

 

[Richard Burley]

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake. ~ Henny Youngman

 

[Brewdude]

How about this one...

As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn’t afford a dog.

I've been accused of being thick as a plank guv'nor. But I got that one loud and clear!

:cat:


Cheers,

RR

 

[Brewdude]

As I get older, I realize:

#1 - I talk to myself, because there are times I need expert advice.


#2 - I consider "On Trend" to be the clothes that still fit.


#3 - I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off.


#4 - My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance for idiots that needs work.


#5 - The biggest lie I tell myself is, "I don't need to write that down. I'll remember it."


#6 - I have days when my life is just a tent away from a circus.


#7 - These days, "on time" is when I get there.


#8 - Even duct tape can't fix stupid - but it sure does muffle the sound.


#9 - Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes ,

then come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller?

#10 - Lately, I've noticed people my age are so much older than me.


#11 - "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering why I'm there.


#12 - When I was a child, I thought nap time was punishment. Now it feels like a mini vacation.


#13 - Some days I have no idea what I'm doing out of bed.


#14 - I thought growing old would take longer.


#15 - Aging sure has slowed me down, but it hasn't shut me up.


#16 - I still haven't learned to act my age.



And remember..... Youth is a gift of nature. Age is a work of art.






Cheers,

RR

 

[Brewdude]

I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.

I decided to stop calling the bathroom the "John" and renamed it the "Jim". I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

Old age is coming at a really bad time. When I was a child I thought "nap time" was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.

The biggest lie I tell myself is..."I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

I don't have gray hair; I have "wisdom highlights." I'm just very wise.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have placed them on my knees.

Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

Of course, I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice

At my age, "getting lucky" means walking into a room and actually remembering what I came in there for.

I am what is called a "seenager" (senior teenager). I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don't have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don't have a curfew. I have a driver's license and my own car. I have an ID that gets me into bars and the whiskey store. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant. And having an all-nighter is now one in which I don't have to get up to pee.


WE CANNOT CONTROL THE WINDS BUT WE CAN ADJUST OUR SAIL!

:joker:



Cheers,

RR

 

[Corncobcon]

Very very true! And funny! #10 reminds me of the time another "older" gentleman saw me and said "how are you young man?" It turns out he was younger in age than I was!

 

[Brewdude]

PARAPROSDOKIANS

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence is unexpected and oft times very humorous:


If I had a dollar for every girl who found me unattractive, they'd eventually find me very attractive.

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they're flashing behind you.

Today, a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool - so I gave him a glass of water.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

I'm great at multi-tasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

Take my advice - I'm not using it.

Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when you wish they were.

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?

Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.

Men say women should come with an instruction manual; but since when has any man stopped to read the instructions.

I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn't find it.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.



:clown:


Cheers,

RR

 

[bosun1]

erasing the message..funny to me but it is political and not really allowed here..

 

[Richard Burley]

not really a joke, but I thought it was humorous.  In traffic this AM.  Car in front of me had almost the entire back and bumper covered.  I'll skip the quotes -- Save DACA--Trump loves hate -- Global Warming is killing us  --NRA America's gun pusher - Cuba,,,etc....it was a Prius.  I was tempted to push him into on coming traffic at the light but I didn't want to scratch my bumper..

Sounds like he went to kollege somewhere and had a complete programming that "took." Pity his ***, and kudos for your restraint.

 

[Brewdude]

<p'sst......

.........ixnay on the oliticspay.........

...............doan wanna get this moved to the forbidden zone.......>





Cheers,

RR

 

[Ozark Wizard]

Why do mice have such small balls?

Very few mice know how to dance.