that's something my grandpa would've said...

[shootist51]

My grandmother always told me, "Sun shines on every dog's ass sooner or later"

 

[St Fiacre]

My Grandfather did a lot of caligraphy and in every notebook he used for that hobby he would always write his favortie saying," We are like mushrooms, kept in the dark and fed a lot of bullsh*t."

 

[Jordies]

My grandpa told/exclaimed to me "god damnit boa"

 

[Puff Daddy]

All I can remember is "Shut up and keep mowing!! Damned kid!"

God I loved that man :lol:

 

[Falconer]

Bruins said...i figured you'd have some good ones piet. (there seems to be a lot of shit in your country...) :lol!: :lol!: :lol!:

Bruins are you sure we're not related somehow? Any Dutchmen in your lineage?
oh yeah, Indiana, never mind Neighbor! :clown:

 

[beebiz]

There's, "that poor guy couldn't tell his ass hole from a post hole!" And, "he's such a lousy shot... he couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with a bass fiddle!!!"

 

[mark]

My fathers ,,,

tighter than the bark on a piss elm,,,

That came out slicker than shit through a goose

Boy, you're stupider than Hiram Slick from Pumpkin Crick

You do that again and I'll knock you down and kick you for falling

You ain't going nowhere, I got a load of postholes coming, hang around and unload them

 

[bluedigital]

What about "put that in your pipe and smoke it!" ... sorry couldn't resist . :rabbit:

 

[Doc Manhattan]

My fathers ,,,

tighter than the bark on a piss elm,,,

That came out slicker than shit through a goose

Boy, you're stupider than Hiram Slick from Pumpkin Crick

You do that again and I'll knock you down and kick you for falling

You ain't going nowhere, I got a load of postholes coming, hang around and unload them

Awesome.

One of my father's favorites when he eats somethin that disagrees... "It's going through me like Grant took Richmond!"

 

[flytyer]

these two have similar meaning:

You reap what you sow.

You made your bed..now sleep in it.

Heard this alot growing up:

We were so poor we didnt have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of.

 

[happypipester]

A few favorites:

Well, if that don't uncurl the pig's tail!

If I had a broom up my @$$ I'd a' swept eighty acres!

 

[Hunter5117]

An old-timer from Virginia that I used to work with would exclaim "That's as fine as frogs hair" whenever things worked out the way we planned them.

Another fellow, this one from Canada, if you asked if he wanted to go eat, would say "Yep, if you don't eat, you don't sh#t, and if you don't sh#t, you die"! Always made me laugh at that one.

 

[Anonymous]

"That's as fine as frogs hair" .

I think that's an old Andy Griffith one as well.

 

[Falconer]

"pay no mind to him, he's small potatoes."

"she's as sweet as clover!"

"pure as a newborn calf."

"smooth as the underside of a goats tail."

 

[mark]

Scarce as hens teeth

There ain't no hair on a bullfrogs ass,,,(blurted out loudly midst telling an off color joke when womenfolk or kids came within listening distance and the joke couldn't be continued)

Quicker than three shakes of a lambs tail

My greatgrandfather would say "Madder than a mule chewing bumblebees"

 

[Doc Manhattan]

I remember my Scoutmaster saying of something cheap: "That's deer nuts--under a buck!"

 

[Falconer]

I remember my Scoutmaster saying of something cheap: "That's deer nuts--under a buck!"

that reminds me of the doe that came out of the woods shaking her head and saying "that's the last time I do that for 2 bucks!

 

[beebiz]

Grinnin' like a mule eatin' briars!

Shittin' like a tied coon!

I'm hungry enough to eat the ass end out of a jackass!

That smell would gag a maggot on a south-bound gut wagon!

Man... that stuff was slicker'n greased owl shit!

Who died and made you god?

You are so slow that I had to hold up a finger to make sure you were movin'!

That feller moves so slow that he's already been embalmed three times!

That thing's useless as tits on a boar hog!

The difference between me and a fool is the total distance between my feet and yours!

Around bedtime, if my brother or I asked what time it was, one of my parents would respond, "It's time all monkey tails were falling off! Ain't yours gettin' loose?"

If someone doesn't get an obvious joke or other thing, "Shoot low Sheriff... He's ridin' a Shetland (as in pony)!"

As a young boy, my mother used to tell me, "Remember... it may have taken God six days to create the Earth... but, it only takes a split second to ruin your whole life!"

She also used to say to us boys, "Boys... it only takes the time required for an eye to twinkle to earn a bad reputation... but, it takes a lifetime to live it down!"

 

[bruins]

Reminds me,
What does the Starship Enterprise have in common with toilet paper???
They both circumnavigate planet Uranus searching for Clingons!!!

well hell, if we're going to go there: what did they find in the toilet of the Starship Enterprise? the captain's log!

(that used to be fun to tell kids. now they don't know what you're talking about.)

 

[bruins]

My grandmother always told me, "Sun shines on every dog's ass sooner or later"

heard a similar one (like your's better though), "even a blind dog gets a duck every once in awhile."